In this world I have found nothing but lessons of pain and regret…
I have always hated the ME part of living…I love the idea of a life and of the dreams that come along with it but for me this has not been the case. I had a hard childhood and teenage years never got any better. I was bullied and harassed until I dropped out…Yes I know I let them win. It is something I relive everyday of my life. I hate it…But they broke me. Here I am 30 years later and I still find myself totally hating those kids…Even as adults when I see them, .I remember what they did.
I have never found the woman for me, Lots of failed attempts and 2 amazing kids but never the girl. So…I am here, An uneducated man with no skills, no car, & living with a friend…I am a mess but I don’t drink, Don’t smoke cigarettes or any of that dumb stuff..My issues go to the very root of who I am, Who I was turned into in school.
Thru my journeys in this life I have ended up where I am…Sitting here wondering if It is wrong to pretend you’re OK when you’re clearly not…People are always asking me…”Are you OK?” Or they ask “How are you doing?” I fucking lie…I have no choice…They don’t really want to hear about my problems and my lack of strength to deal with them…Or my lack of money to even find a ride to work tomorrow…I know this. How do I deal with issues when I can’t find a soul to listen? Is it wrong to pretend you’re OK when you are definitely not?